Eh! Eh! Breaking news from Kirinyaga, where our beloved MCAs have finally discovered there’s something called a mental health facility in the county! Aki, it only took them how many years? Wacheni mungu aitwe mungu!
The drama unfolded at the County Assembly where Madam Grace Kamau, the Health Committee Vice Chairperson, stood up with a motion that had the MCAs scratching their heads like they’d just discovered the cost of unga these days. “Jameni! Did you know we have a mental health unit at Kerugoya Hospital that’s struggling like a matatu on a rainy Nairobi evening?” she asked, sending shockwaves through the assembly.
According to Madam Kamau, this facility handled a whopping 525 outpatients in April alone! Imagine that! That’s more people than show up when a politician promises free chapatis during campaigns! And yet, the place looks sadder than a bodaboda rider who’s run out of fuel in Mwea.
“Haki ya mungu, the drug situation isn’t helping either!” she declared, waving the NACADA survey like it was a winning betting slip. “These young people are consuming alcohol and smoking bangi like it’s going out of fashion! Hii Kenya yetu, eh!”
Moses Migwi, the MCA from Kanyekine Ward, jumped up faster than someone spotting a free seat in a matatu during rush hour. “Wueh! We’ve somehow found Ksh 400 million for Kimbimbi and Kianyaga hospitals, but nada for mental health! Ati we’ve forgotten our mental health unit? Ni kama joke!” Migwi exclaimed, adjusting his tie dramatically.
David Kinyua from Mutira Ward couldn’t stay quiet either. Standing up with the confidence of a rooster at dawn, he proclaimed, “Tuko tayari kusimama imara on this! Mental health is no joke, despite how I’m talking right now! Joblessness is causing our youth to go crazy faster than politicians change parties before elections!”
Meanwhile, Geoffrey Gakuru from Kiini Ward, looking serious like a pastor who’s spotted someone sleeping during his sermon, wondered aloud about the County Public Service Board. “Instead of hiring medical staff, they’re busy recruiting drivers! Eh! Do they think drivers can prescribe medication? Hii Kenya yetu, sometimes I wonder if we need mental check-ups ourselves!”
Beatrice Mitaru, representing people living with disabilities, topped it all off by suggesting they increase access to clinics in remote areas. “Some of our people in the villages think mental health treatment is about visiting a mganga! Hiyo ni ukweli!” she noted, causing a ripple of uncomfortable laughter.
As the meeting concluded, one elderly MCA was overheard whispering, “With the way we’re running this county, maybe we should all book appointments at that mental health unit… si uchawi, ni ukweli tu!”
Editor’s note: No politicians were harmed in the writing of this report, though some egos may need intensive care.
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